1 vs. 16 - a competitor's soul completed

Basketball has been a passion of mine since I was 8 years old. There was then obviously no other outlet for such a passion as great and powerful as the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament. Setting the VCR to record the day's worth of games, (and trying to remember to set the recording the night before for the next day), became a ritual. There were a few recording mishaps that resulted in painfully taping over some of the best games. Over the years, I effectively wore out my VHS tape that included the Gonzaga vs. Florida "the slipper still fits" game, which still gives me chills to this day. 

The passion never dwindled. I made a collage that measured 6' by 5'. Since becoming a coach and educator, I have shared this passion with many students and athletes. Now, March means a pilgrimage to Las Vegas to watch the games with those who share my affinity for the greatest spectacle in all of sports. 

I, as many, have always favored the underdog. A Gonzaga fan at the beginning of their national relevance, I developed a love for the lower-seed as well as an appreciation when the lower-seed upset my teams. Between Gonzaga and Michigan State, I've experienced my fair share of these upsets. Such is life. 

To say I didn't have fantasies about playing on a 16 seed in my younger days would be a lie. Once I came to the realization I was no where near playing basketball at the next level, the fantasies shifted to being the coach of a 16 seed that was the first to upset a 1. This was the pinnacle of over-achievement and earning respect through performance. 

It's not something I had really thought about intensely as my career as a Montessori teacher took off and coaching high school basketball became my deepest involvement. I still get giddy before the Selection Show and I still take in every moment I can of the tournament, but I knew that being a part of the NCAA Tournament was not something in my immediate or near-future. I love my work and I love the impact I have on children, so I have no regrets about this. But as I sat, watching the 16-seeded UMBC Retrievers dismantle the number 1 overall seed Virginia, every emotion I have ever had tied into college basketball came rushing back. Every second of appreciation for a team coming together, maximizing its skills, and achieving the impossible...or what once was...was frozen into a collective moment where the only time that existed was the clock ticking closer and closer to history. 

At halftime, there was intrigue but doubt. As the second-half began with UMBC establishing the "we're not going anywhere" realization into their opponent, I began to settle into a stunned observation. Even at a sports bar in Vegas, everything faded. Closer and closer to the final buzzer, it became more and more real. With about 3 minutes left in the game, a few tears officially broke through my attempt at decorum. By the time the game was over, I was composed and joined what was nothing short of a respectful, tempered, standing ovation. Hundreds of miles away, with no physical involvement in the game, but connected across space and time with every fan of college basketball, of basketball, of sports, of competition, of LIFE, the "impossible" became not so. 

Kids...18-22 year olds...captured the sports world. Their coach...not once lacking the composure and professionalism of a true leader...embodied a humbleness that seemed beyond possibility. In his eyes, the eyes of a man whose world had just been flipped upside-down by all his hard work, and trust, and faith, there seemed disbelief yet a spiritual respect for the undeserved place in history he could not have dreamed of. Or maybe he did. Maybe it was a dream of his. Maybe he knew all along. My guess is he won't even know this for a few months. 

There is no way that any game will match what we all witnessed. As a teacher, I did what I could to try to impart that upon a young student who shows a passion that reminded me of what I felt as a child. There's no way I was effective. It's too big. I'm glad that it happened when I was grown up. The appreciation is unmeasurable. 

Thank you sports. Thank you basketball. Thank you UMBC. I feel whole. 

Preparing Your Child for College: Not as far away as you think

This past weekend I drove up to Atlanta for my 10-year undergraduate reunion at Emory University. First, I'll admit it was good to see that all the money I paid to go there is being put to great use: campus looks amazing and continues to grow, but it maintains the same feel as it did when I attended.

Second, I want to acknowledge that incredible feeling of a place long-since visited. Every step I retraced around campus left me in the exact same heart-space as I'd left it in. It was a humbling experience and immediately sparked a mental time-travel and all the "what ifs" that come with growth and distance. It was a spectacular emotional journey. 

Thirdly, and most importantly to you as parents, I want to share the realization that I came to upon this trip. When I decided to attend Emory, it was because I needed a challenge both academically and personally. High School required some work for me to over-achieve; had I taken it easy I would have done just fine, but that is not who I am, nor who I was, and so I worked hard. But the challenge wasn't there. I also knew that socially I needed to break out of my shell, my comfort. So, without knowing anyone else attending, and without ever visiting before my parents dropped me off, I headed south, hundreds of miles away from everything I knew, to force myself to grow up. 

Herein lies my realization. For me, college was a GROWING UP experience, not a GROWING experience. I grew up privileged. I grew up protected. I grew up with a mother that, bless her heart, wanted to do everything to make our lives easier, even at the sacrifice of her own leisure or luxury. I was the type of child at home that would weasel out of responsibilities, or give minimal effort, unaware of the benefit to myself, and thus, the reason I really needed to contribute. When I went away to college, therefore, it was time for me to "grow up". 

This was not a bad experience. This was what I recognized as a late-teen that I NEEDED to do. This decision is very difficult for a young adult to make for his/her self. My parents had prepared me as a person, but not to be a person. No fault of their own, they tried, I was a jerk. 

My point is that college should be a "growing" experience, not a "growing up". Naturally some of this intertwines into both concepts, but IF your child, now almost a young adult, has already "grown up" - accepted responsibilities, understands accountability, personal care, collective contribution, independence, confidence, how to deal with failure - college can be their opportunity to grow that person that he/she is meant to become once independent in the world. 

I also realized, I wouldn't change a single moment if it meant that today I would be someone other than the man I have grown into. Every variable led to me being in a position, and having the care to, share my experience and knowledge with children and parents in order to offer my viewpoint on what could be done to better create the next generation of citizens. 

Whether college is in the future for your child or not, your responsibility as a parent, mentor, guardian, guide, is to help them "grow up" before the world makes them. With that accomplished, they will be able to spend their time simply growing into the adult man or woman they are meant to. 

Competitive Wellness: stemming from youth sports, a prologue

In the grand scheme of things, I guess I'm still on the younger side. As a teacher, I will begin my sixth year as a lead or co-lead this year; as a coach I am entering my 13th season. And I know that it is part of generational evolution, it's a right of passage, for "elders" to complain about "kids these days". But I have strategically...well ok, a series of events, fortunes, and universal nudges have...placed myself in a position to influence children and young adults with the hope of diluting the percentage of children and young adults about whom this term is used derogatorily. 

In athletics, we are in the age of hyper-training and sport-specialization in children. The competition is incredible and the "arms race" to be able to perform at the high school and collegiate level begins at a very young age. This is giving rise to different classes of children-athletes. (This is something that I hope to develop more in the future, not the classes themselves but an understanding of how many and what they are at their foundations). 

There are two extreme classes. Those "early-gifted" who are finding success and sometimes domination in a given sport and will both enjoy the success and feel pressure to maintain that aspect of their personality. These children-athletes may find an abundance of praise which, in most early cases, does not prepare them to succeed in other arenas nor accurately represent their future. 

The opposite end of the spectrum holds those children who would have entered into sports for the friends and experience. They can be, in today's culture, discouraged at a very early age because they do not enjoy a competitive atmosphere. Now, they are also facing peers who may be spending hours a week working on their skills. 

Now, I am a coach, and I am also a competitor, and I like nothing better than to foster this in children. However, without the proper understanding and coaching of how to address competition, children may fall trap to its pitfalls. Sport offers a peek into the real world: effort, advantage, variability, deviance, struggle, success, teamwork, etc. As in the world, one scenario is seen differently from many vantage points. Our elite athlete at 11 years-old will see the game differently than our "just trying it out" athlete at the same age. But, the one thing they can both take from this shared environment is personal growth. 

This is where Competitive Wellness training comes into play. The opportunities to learn are endless: How do I become a better teammate? How do I survive in a game with better players? How do I find success in failure? How does my success fail me? Not only are these questions that can and should be addressed, even with the youngest of our children-athletes, but they are essential to the growth of the child. 

The numbers prove that your child is not going to go pro in his/her sport of choice. HOWEVER, they CAN go pro in being a good human being and being happy and successful in whatever they choose to do. This is the power that MCCWT is aiming to give its students and athletes. From on-the-court or -field to in-the-classroom, a foundation of confidence in any situation and the willingness to self-compete can immediately improve a child's experience. 

Let's use this understanding to encourage our youth to mold themselves into individuals that every generation can respect and appreciate.