This past weekend I drove up to Atlanta for my 10-year undergraduate reunion at Emory University. First, I'll admit it was good to see that all the money I paid to go there is being put to great use: campus looks amazing and continues to grow, but it maintains the same feel as it did when I attended.
Second, I want to acknowledge that incredible feeling of a place long-since visited. Every step I retraced around campus left me in the exact same heart-space as I'd left it in. It was a humbling experience and immediately sparked a mental time-travel and all the "what ifs" that come with growth and distance. It was a spectacular emotional journey.
Thirdly, and most importantly to you as parents, I want to share the realization that I came to upon this trip. When I decided to attend Emory, it was because I needed a challenge both academically and personally. High School required some work for me to over-achieve; had I taken it easy I would have done just fine, but that is not who I am, nor who I was, and so I worked hard. But the challenge wasn't there. I also knew that socially I needed to break out of my shell, my comfort. So, without knowing anyone else attending, and without ever visiting before my parents dropped me off, I headed south, hundreds of miles away from everything I knew, to force myself to grow up.
Herein lies my realization. For me, college was a GROWING UP experience, not a GROWING experience. I grew up privileged. I grew up protected. I grew up with a mother that, bless her heart, wanted to do everything to make our lives easier, even at the sacrifice of her own leisure or luxury. I was the type of child at home that would weasel out of responsibilities, or give minimal effort, unaware of the benefit to myself, and thus, the reason I really needed to contribute. When I went away to college, therefore, it was time for me to "grow up".
This was not a bad experience. This was what I recognized as a late-teen that I NEEDED to do. This decision is very difficult for a young adult to make for his/her self. My parents had prepared me as a person, but not to be a person. No fault of their own, they tried, I was a jerk.
My point is that college should be a "growing" experience, not a "growing up". Naturally some of this intertwines into both concepts, but IF your child, now almost a young adult, has already "grown up" - accepted responsibilities, understands accountability, personal care, collective contribution, independence, confidence, how to deal with failure - college can be their opportunity to grow that person that he/she is meant to become once independent in the world.
I also realized, I wouldn't change a single moment if it meant that today I would be someone other than the man I have grown into. Every variable led to me being in a position, and having the care to, share my experience and knowledge with children and parents in order to offer my viewpoint on what could be done to better create the next generation of citizens.
Whether college is in the future for your child or not, your responsibility as a parent, mentor, guardian, guide, is to help them "grow up" before the world makes them. With that accomplished, they will be able to spend their time simply growing into the adult man or woman they are meant to.