Turning "My Bad" into Good

The Problem

Coaches and Parents, I beg of you to stick with me at the beginning of this article. Believe me, I have been in the situation we are all envisioning:

A student, an athlete, a child fails to some degree at a task and responds to criticism, or redirection, or questioning with, “My bad.”

We all know the range of this failure has at least two scales. One is the actuality of the failure in terms of expected tangible outcomes and the other is how intangibly irritating their failure is to those of us in charge of the situation.

The normal, natural, and totally acceptable response, (ideally controlled enough to remain in our heads), is, “You’re [expletive] [combo expletive option] right it’s ‘YOUR BAD’! Whose else would it be?!”

Often, “My bad” is just as progressive as "I’m sorry” can be for children and young adults. They have no real desire to address, acknowledge, or investigate the ins-and-outs of their mistakes, so they offer a transition phrase with the intention of moving things along. Sometimes it may be meant to convey “I understand”, sometimes it may be meant to convey “get off my back”. Either way, it can be infuriating to those of use attempting to teach them an appropriate way of doing things or give them advice on how to improve their own standing and performance.

But what if? What if we were able to turn the tables on their attempt to sidestep a situation? What if we were able to use their moment of weakness to empower them? What if we could take “My bad” and help turn it into their good?

The Task

When do young, growing humans need more empowerment than in their most embarrassing, vulnerable moments? More, how do we help empower the ones who are passing on those failures as insignificant and meaningless? Entering into the task should be perceived as a contract, and a contract which comes with a failure clause: you may not succeed and that is just part of the deal. Understanding this before attempting anything is paramount to the “growth success” of the task.

With that understanding, (or those teachings after we have worked with individuals to embrace that reality), why not take “my bad” and agree with them? Not in the sense we all love to mentioned above, but in a way that acknowledges their part in the result as powerful and purposeful.

In the midst of a culture with a “victim mindset”, at least these individuals are expressing their own role in the story-line of their lives. Let’s take “My bad” and encourage our young subjects to take that same control and apply it to making amends or turning the tides. It is a simple concept, but one that will trap them in their own influence upon their life and their circumstance. Even if just for that one “ah-ha” moment while they are trying to process or deflect a moment of missing the mark, we can not only support them but help to train the instinct of immediately seeing the first step to recovery.

Simple but effective.

Own your “My bad”.

Own Your I

Extended Research

There are some sources that say former NBA Player Manute Bol may have actually lead the popular use of the phrase.

https://www.visualthesaurus.com/cm/wordroutes/the-manute-bol-theory-of-my-bad/

MetaStory Telling - Using Symbolism and Metaphor in Daily Life

As we “ring in” a new year, as we collectively return to the general physical location among the cosmos where we last celebrated our lap around our star, we are inundated with cliche. As a writer, it can be gag-inducing; it is cute like a child mimicking its parents. In the moment acceptable, but upon further review it simply lacks creativity and depth. However, the cyclical nature may hold a secret to unlocking a deeper personal power and control for each and every one of us.

MetaStory Telling

The Art of storytelling is still essential to the Human Experience. Traditionalists carry-on with literature and film, while literally everyone has the resource of audience through social media. From Homeric epics to 30 second TikToks, “authors” are able to direct and dictate almost every component of the story. A simple inflection could be the key to an accessible understanding of the control and influence we each have upon our own character development and plot.

Being not only the protagonist of our own tale, but the omniscient narrator and writer as well places in our hands the power to create the past, present, and future that we envision for our hero/heroine. For many, it will take only a shift of awareness from “controlling appearance through what is shared” to “controlling perception of all that is experienced”. Limiting the audience to ourselves, not the general public, jumpstarts the honest, genuine relationship with our character. This act of “MetaStory Telling” brings a whole new value to “New Year, New Me”.

Symbolism and Metaphor

Symbolism (n.) - the use of symbols to represent ideas or qualities; symbolic meaning attributed to natural objects or facts

Metaphor (n.) - a figure of speech in which a word or phrase is applied to an object or action to which it is not literally applicable

So our planet circles the sun? So December 31 becomes January 1? We are the same person we were the day before. Maybe a little more tired, maybe a little more rejuvenated, maybe with new goals and aspirations with new life breathed into them. Let’s use this as authors of our stories! Let’s not stop at the cliches and the hashtags. Let’s not leave it to chance or stamina to find out if we will find our successes. As we can extend the metaphor of our calendar changing to parallel the birth, growth, death, and rebirth of a character, let’s acknowledge the symbolism of the moment to “begin a new chapter”.

Giving yourself a fresh start is only harmful if you ignore from whence you have come. By depleting your protagonist (you) of the trials and tribulations, the victories and failures, the Rom-Com/Horror/Holiday/Action/Silent-Film storylines that you have experienced, you erase the character development, you take away from the richness and likability of your character. Remember, this has nothing to do with ANYONE but YOURSELF! The consideration, however, of how invested you are in your story will continue to influence and possibly determine that path your plot takes on a daily basis.

Manifestation vs. MetaStory Telling

Manifestation seems “en vogue”, but is this not just story telling without the effort of literary development? How rewarding is it for our hero/heroine to just be given the keys to successful conflict resolution? How relatable to see a protagonist overcome nothing to receive the greatest of gifts? Having goals and outcomes are essential to telling a good story, but those characters we cry for, those characters we cheer for, those characters we accompany through their journeys are ones that we can connect with. Why cheat yourself out of the connection with yourself, as your own character in your own story?

Cliche Away

So as I pull back from my first post of the new year, I can’t help but recognize the metacliche. I am still saying, “New Year, New You”, I am still promoting the use of an insignificant moment to ignite a significant response. The greatest advice has already been given. Different cultures, different philosophers, different translations have all imparted upon us the greatest of human knowledge. It seems however that it is in slight refinement that many find their true calling, their ultimate power in their own life. I consider myself a storyteller and have practiced and refined my craft for years. It is not an unobtainable skill, in fact more of us are storytellers now than may have ever existed before in the history of mankind. Maybe we simply need a push to shift our intended audience. Maybe we simply need to know that we can write our own story, we can manipulate our own plot, we can be our own hero/heroine.

Happy New Year and Happy Writing,

Own Your I

"Zen in the Art of Archery" - Applied

Background

In this age of technological abundance, we are constantly inundated with information, opinions, and informative opinions…or…opinionated information. As a coach, as someone working in the field of education, whether it be my teaching career or personal/physical/sport training side-hustle, I am not only part of the flood, but guilty of frequently being one of the many fish in this new, murky sea, who thinks I may have some answers that someone needs to hear. I will never claim expertise, I am not sure that is a thing. Varying degrees of experience, insight, and synthesis are what establish the somewhat convoluted tiers of the Educators and the Educated.

In understanding and appreciating my own shortcomings and/or being realistic about my coaching marketability, from an early age I was determined to supplement my intellectual mind with the minds of intellects in order to provide a differentiated product for my athletes. My Master’s thesis involved incorporating ancient texts into modern day athletic coaching. Minds like Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius, Sun-tzu, Wei Liao-tzu, and Miyamoto Musashi all offered knowledge into finding success whether the battlefield was literal or figurative. Why could we not expose our young athletes to these philosophies for the betterment of their performance on and off the court?

Zen in the Art of Archery

This summer, I revisited that literary stage of my life. I can’t remember from where the recommendation came - whether I stumbled upon it while searching for archery focus training literature or heard it mentioned in a podcast is neither here nor there. But I ended up ordering Zen in the Art of Archery by Eugen Herrigel.

Here’s the Wikipedia entry on the text:

Zen in the Art of Archery is a book by German philosophy professor Eugen Herrigel, published in 1948, about his experiences studying Kyūdō, a form of Japanese archery, when he lived in Japan in the 1920s. It is credited with introducing Zen to Western audiences in the late 1940s and 1950s.

My goal at the outset was to explore another avenue for athlete-connection, or in the tagline case of MCCWT, competitive wellness. The book provided more than I expected, both toward my goal to be better for my athletes and toward me being better myself. Herrigel recounts his thoughts along his way to mastery and the demeanor and tactics of his teacher. To have such a philosophical mind reflecting upon being a student added value.

As Herrigel continued to struggle with the particular aspect of the “release” of his bowstring, that is, the bowstring releasing itself from his hold naturally, his Master responded to his difficulty.

“You have described only too well where the difficulty lies. Do you know why you cannot wait for the shot and why you get out of breath before it has come? The right shot at the right moment does not come because you do not let go of yourself. You do not wait for fulfillment, but brace yourself for failure. So long as that is so, you have no choice but to call forth something yourself that out to happen independently of you, and so long as you call it forth your hand will not open in the right way - like the hand of a child. Your hand does not burst open like the skin of a ripe fruit.”

After Herrigel remarks his confusion, his Master continued.

The right art is purposeless, aimless! The more obstinately you try to learn how to shoot the arrow for the sake of hitting the goal, the less you will succeed in the one and the further the other will recede. What stands in your way is that you have a much too willful will. You think that what you do not do yourself does not happen.” (pg 30-31)

Part of the appeal of this book was sharing initial confusion with Herrigel as his Master seemingly spoke in cryptic codes of unobtainable realities. But with further time dedicated to thinking about the message, and ultimately the results, it becomes a viable option for performance in any arena, especially athletics.

Being basketball-minded, that was where my mind went. The application of this ancient archer’s zen to a jump shot seemed reasonable enough. Greater obstacle would exist in the training required to calm the mind with all the surrounding chaos in a game of basketball versus the individual act of archery, even with an audience.

Art Applied

Quick disclaimer: I am by no means a good golfer. I have the physical tools to someday get there. I have not committed the resource of time and money into a dedicated practice toward improvement. I enjoy the game because it is time with friends, and I love/loathe the game for its demands on me mentally and emotionally. When I discuss improvement, it is only marginally by metric. Yes, I shot the best round I ever have, but that is secondary or tertiary to the message coming.

So I went out to golf with a couple of old friends. I hadn’t swung a club with the exception of chipping whiffle balls in the backyard with my son a couple weeks prior. I hadn’t played a full round in a year. I was excited to see them, to play, to get out and enjoy summer in a more traditional way. I was also nervous. This is the mental/emotional side of golf that I have a very complex and conflicting relationship with. Its demands upon my ego, my confidence, and my expectations of performance in any field are taxing. I want to be good, I want to be in control, and I know that if I practiced I could be and, since I don’t, I shouldn’t expect much, but I still do.

Before we started the round, (ok, the night before, because I’m a bit of a head case sometimes), I decided to reflect upon Zen in the Art of Archery and test its application. This seemed reasonable and within reach philosophically seeing as it was an action that I alone was in control of in order to perform. But, alas, an action that I needed to realize I was in no way in control of in order to be successful.

If you have read older blog posts here, I did one on mantras. Again, making sure the non-expertise I’m sharing at least isn’t complete dogma, I decided to bring these concepts together.

Prior to each swing my routine included a loosening of the hands for a regripping with less tension, and reminding myself, “I am simply a vessel for the science of this sport”. Now there were multiple iterations, but you get the idea. A few years earlier, one of the friends I was golfing with on this occasion reassured me that the club was designed to do what it needed to do. So this new approach came out of understanding, accepting, and forfeiting myself to that theory.

I removed myself, as much as I could, from the equation of the success and, more importantly, the failure of each swing. I allowed all pressure to lift, so long as I did what I was needed for.

Now, granted, there were some awful shots, but far less frequently than in the past. There were a couple where I knew I was in trouble mid-backswing because my attention shifted, or my thoughts shifted, and I just had to play out the rest and hope I didn’t lose the ball.

An interesting note: This didn’t work for putting. My reasoning frames this as the amount of human involvement necessary. Prior to the greens, my presence was only needed to aim and allow everything to do what it was made to do. Putters are not made to read greens or judge speeds. Hence, my putting was still fairly atrocious.

Takeaway

Golf is cruel. It always will be. Likewise, one good shot the entire round could be enough to bring you back for more. Both statements are typically the norm for me. However, there were more of the latter this round and I am sure it is not a coincidence. Obviously the next time out could be another disaster, but the practice of removing the self and allowing the natural processes to take place is a starting point.

I cannot think of an athletic discipline nor athlete that would not benefit from adding this type of training to their regiment. Beginning with reading Zen in the Art of Archery and investigating the personal application and interpretation of both Herrigel and his Master.

Especially in a time where we are all so exposed. Looking back at that resource of reach and technology, every mistake and every triumph may be captured and shared with complete strangers. Young athletes are growing up in a time where personal pride is clouding the purpose of the game. If you’d like to try to convince me that an adolescent athlete isn’t facing even greater pressures today than previously in history you’d have to bring a strong case. Specialization at an early age, travel teams, national rankings through numerous media…that’s a lot of children and young adults, especially ones still navigating daily personal development, school, and LIFE at the same time.

I leave you with one last bit from Zen in the Art of Archery. In further confusion about the nature of practice, Herrigel asks his Master for further guidance:

“What must I do, then?” I asked thoughtfully.

“You must learn to wait properly.”

“And how does on learn that?”

“By letting go of yourself, leaving yourself and everything yours behind you so decisively that nothing more is left of you but a purposeless tension.”

“So I must become purposeless - on purpose?” I heard myself say.

“No pupil has ever asked me that, so I don’t know the right answer.”

“And when do we begin these new exercises?”

“Wait until it is time.” (pg 31-32)

Own Your I